By APA Staff

APA sounds off on the aftermath of the crash, err, the Academy Awards.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Yeah, we know: no serious film buff takes the Oscars seriously. And far be it for us to piss and moan about Brokeback's eleventh-hour defeat, or the fact that a film with no substantial Asian characters dares to call itself the story of Los Angeles. So to show that there are no hard feelings, we thought we'd compile some of the rumblings heard around the APA HQ as a one-time deal. And promise to never, ever make a crack about how hard it is out here for an Asian-American...

CRASH

"Crash has substituted style for substance, complexity for nuance, and issues for intelligence -- and I am shocked, SHOCKED! that the same academy that previously chose such upstanding films as Titanic and A Beautiful Mind . . . eh, nevermind." JENNIFER FLINN

"Asian people in Crash? I have to say, the actor did a great job getting run over by Ludacris in the car. First we thought he was dead...and then, later we realized he wasn't. Brilliant character development. I think this will make America realize that Asians are three-dimensional people too. Which is why there's a thud when you drive over them." ADA TSENG

"Oscar is 78 years old -- Crash probably won because of his poor eyesight." OLIVER CHIEN

"Crash has the woeful distinction of being a film which stereotypes racism. Such simple seductions of progressivism betray those who endure day-to-day racism as human beings, not ethnic types. The film's Oscar is reflective of the academy's critical laziness and dispassion." BRIAN HU

"The only thing worse than Crash's woefully misguided representation of race, class, and Los Angeles is its fuzzy logic. Asians = bad drivers. Bad drivers = car crashes. Car crashes = Paul Haggis' metaphor for race. So how come there weren't more Asian characters in the movie?" CHI TUNG

"I was rather disappointed that Crash won, simply because the best picture winner gets big play over here in Nippon, Japan and I would've liked to have checked out a movie which I haven't already seen -- and which isn't god-awful and stupid." BRYAN HARTZHEIM

ANG LEE

"In 1996, Ang Lee was snubbed of a best director's nomination for Sense and Sensibility, allegedly because he was a Taiwanese filmmaker making a film about 19th century England. Lee's win ten years later for a film about the American West is testament to his growing stature in Hollywood, and not for Hollywood's newfound openness toward cross-cultural exchange." BRIAN HU

"China loves Ang Lee. So long as he rejects his Taiwanese heritage and didn't just make a film about gay cowboys." CHI TUNG

"According to the China Daily, 'Ang Lee is the pride of Chinese people all over the world, and he is the glory of Chinese cinematic talent.' We just won't let you see his movie. Or his entire Oscar speech. Actually, we didn't really like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon that much either. Gay cowboys? What gay cowboys?" ADA TSENG

"My opinion on Ang Lee is mostly favorable; I thought even his much-harangued Ride with the Devil was an underrated movie. I don't think it's possible for any intelligent mind to like Hulk, but I guess every director worth his weight has a work he should dump in the gutter and forget about. If it's worth anything, no matter the picture, Lee will direct the shit out of it. Though I personally would've liked him to have won it for Crouching Tiger." BRYAN HARTZHEIM

"It's interesting to see everyone claiming Ang Lee as their own. All a sudden he's a "Chinese" filmmaker. He's 'won Taiwan an outstanding place in the world movie industry.' It's politics, and nationalism and censorship definitely make for an important news story, but it also distracts what's truly groundbreaking. It's not just about him being Taiwanese-American, or even Chinese, or even Asian. He's the first minority ever to win a Best Director Oscar. I repeat: First minority ever. That's huge. Almost as huge as the accomplishments of Three 6 Mafia." ADA TSENG

"Brokeback: not gay enough. Ang Lee: not humble enough. Let the backlash against model minorities begin." CHI TUNG

MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

"Although the idea of Memoirs of a Geisha winning anything is preposterous, it's hard to dispute that the thing looked pretty...kind of like a shiny, pretty piece of fruit that you realize is made of wax just after you sink your teeth into it." JENNIFER FLINN

"Art direction and costume design Oscars celebrate the craft of constructing elaborate fantasies of difference and decorating existing power asymmetries so viewers don't notice them. That Colleen Atwood thanked "the people of Japan" for their costumes is less a sincere note of appreciation than a belated, snobbish afterthought in defense of a film which doggedly refused Japanese participation at the highest levels of its production." BRIAN HU

OTHER RUMBLINGS...

"Why oh why did South Korea choose Welcome to Dongmakgol as its foreign language submission? As moving as it is, the topic is just too local and outside audiences are both uninformed and uniterested in the complex political and social relationships engendered by the Korean war. Sympathy for Lady Vengance would've been a much safer bet -- it's slick, stylish, and Park Chan-wook is a household name by now." JENNIFER FLINN

"This is for sure: Zhang Ziyi's attempt at English was better than Jon Stewart's attempt at her name." BRIAN HU

"Despite recent objections, I found the brief tribute to Pat Morita to be classy, tasteful, and powerful. Or maybe I'm just thankful there wasn't a "wax on, wax off" in sight." BRIAN HU

"The real unsung hero of the night? Mrs. Ang Lee. That's right. She has a name. Jane Lin. Mother of Han and Mason. Supported Ang Lee's broke ass for six years on her salary as a microbiologist. Stood up against the harsh societal stereotypes against being married to a stay-at-home father. I'd venture a guess that it was her, and not Ennis and Jack, that really taught Ang "the greatness of love itself." Jane Lin has inspired me to be brave enough to follow my heart, reject those pesky engineers and doctors, and stick by that cute, passionate starving artist that will one day win an Oscar. Alright..... I think I just killed my mother. Hopefully she doesn't read this." ADA TSENG

"M. Night Shyamalan's American Express commercial was a little awkward but was surely unlike anything else on TV. With his move in front of the camera, Shyamalan is solidifying his status as the next Hitchcock not only in style and genre, but as an immediately recognizable celebrity auteur." BRIAN HU

Published: Thursday, March 9, 2006